Friday, 16 October 2015
"I feel my puppy power brewing, I know, I'll be really naughty so that my first owners can't take it any more, then I can pretend to be really cute so that I appeal to help Nanny Walker with my company, then I'll scare her to death, pooh all over her kitchen floor while I run about like a lunatic until I worm my way into Will and Nikki's care, all by the time I'm 6 months old."
"What can I get up to know? They won't let me eat Chinese food like my last owners, or quavers, I go nuts for them! I know, I'll eat the dining room table leg, burrow myself into the sofa, pee on it, then have a poo on it, oh and then I'll be sick on it, followed by a helping of insistent barking. It might make my new Mum and Dad move out of the city and into a house with grass in the garden?"
"Chillin with my Pa."
"Doing my Ma's head in with my butt, I love riding on backs it seems."
"Right, I'm in! My flippin' mental insanity has helped manifest a move to a quiet bungalow estate in Portchester. I feel so much better now I'm away from all that traffic and the scary boxer two doors away. As a thank you, I will never pee or poo in the house, I've decided to be house trained immediately!"
"I'm loving all this filth, decorating, gardening - although I am proving to be a bit accident prone. I've slashed my leg open on a metal bucket, then I hurt my leg jumping off the bench."
"Look at me, I'm feeling quite shapely as I get older, my leg muscles are forming nicely after lots of walkies and jumping incessantly like Zebedee. I love looking out the window on the horsey sofa too."
Here are the highlights to this trip.
"Mmmmm, Christmas dinner in the campervan!"
"After all that backpacking to John O'Groats, we're off again for even more walkies, first to the lovely Lakes then back up to Scotland. Mum and Dad have fallen in love with Scotland big time, which is great as I love all the fresh air, deer poo and snow!"
"Pike O'Blisco - Lakes"
"Scafell Pike - Lakes"
"Cairn Gorm - Scotland, brrrrrr!"
"I'm on top of the world (well Britain), I'm bloody knackered, I'll see if I can look really sorry for myself then Dad will put me in his rucksack again, just until we get below the snowline then I will pull him all the way down Ben Nevis! I tried climbing Snowdon a while ago but it was flippin' freezing, I probably wouldn't have been allowed in the pub anyway, I have a taste for waiters, tee he he."
"Oh, who's idea was it that I go in Dad's rucksack, he's crap, Mum only fell over once. Although she smells today, she peed in her salopettes after trying to do it like a man through a funnel, but used it upside down, snort, keep it natural and get a cold butt :-)"
"Aah, Christmas card trees."